SGitW: Fall 2009

Fall!

Fall was actually in the air this morning, as it was 62 degrees when I got up this morning- a big change from the 80+ temps we've been waking up to for the last 6 months.  It's lovely. I need changes in my life right now, and this weather change just signals that Things Are Going to be Different.

This week had its ups and downs.  My menu plan went out the window- once again I followed it on Monday only. The rest of the week went like this:

Tuesday- Something Unhealthy
Wednesday- Something Unhealthy
Thursday- See Tuesday
Friday- Jimmy Dean D-Light Croissant

I saw my doctor on Wednesday and discovered what has been causing me to feel so awful for the last indeterminate period of time.  I thought I had something wrong with my thyroid, or worse.  But instead, it's just a bladder infection... a week of antibiotics and I should be right as rain. Telling me about the bladder infection just made me hurt where I hadn't before, but emotionally I feel so much better because I'm not dying.

Over the next few weeks I'm going to try to establish some healthier habits, so watch this space for some changes!

Menu Monday- Week of October 12, 2009

Last week I stuck to my menu on Monday only.  Life got in the way, I got sidetracked, insert all other excuses here.  But, here is what I'm thinking for this week:

Monday: Spicy Chili (in the crock pot) with fixin's

Tuesday: Amy's Chunky Tomato Bisque with Cheddar Garlic Biscuits

Wednesday: Gorgonzola Beef Filets (via Dinner Done) & Green Beans

Thursday: Chicken & Feta Burgers with Sweet Potato Fries with Lemon Garlic Aioli

Friday: Dinner Out

I need to do better about this, if only to get the freezer cleaned out for Thanksgiving and my grandparents' stay with me!  I really want to do a new Dinner Done session!

The way that I used to be, and still am.

I am having another late night, because this week sleep just does not seem to want to come.  Earlier tonight, I got that John Mayer song in my head, "Split Screen Sadness", most specifically the lyric, "I can't wait to figure out what's wrong with me, so I can say this is the way that I used to be."

Sing it, Johnny. That lyric has resonated with me for years.

I was sitting on the floor tonight, watching TV, and slowly folding myself up into a ball. Legs crossed, fingers interlaced, arms close to my body... doing this without realizing it.  I looked at the clock and it was far too late to call any of my friends- 11 pm. Then the phone rang and it was my mother, and she helped some.

Her theory as to the source of my anxiety is that I'm not used to things going well.  I have a great group of friends.  I'm impressing higher ups at work. Things just seem to be going the way they are supposed to be going to get me to my goals. Yet, I'm not happy.  I'm almost paralyzed with anxiety.  I feel like something awful is going to happen. I do not feel like I'm good enough.  I never, ever feel like I'm good enough.

Sigh.

The name of this website is "smartest girl in the world" and right now it's 100% ironic, because I know that I'm being stupid. Who or what exactly am I not good enough for? Is there a contest?  No.  Is someone else holding me to an impossible standard?  No.  Things are going to be fine and I'm going to be fine and there is absolutely no reason to be this worked up over absolutely nothing.

But I am.

Menu Monday- Week of October 5, 2009

I did really well with last week's Menu, sticking to it every night except Thursday.  Thursday was an exceptionally BAD day at work, one that I'm not ready to objectively discuss in any forum, so I'm not beating myself up about not cooking dinner that night. The fact I didn't have a bottle of wine for dinner was a victory.

Anyway...

This week I am trying to rely on the things I have in my freezer, because I have a lot of good things in there that I want to eat before they are no longer edible. And I would like to do a session of Dinner Done! before my grandparents come down to visit, so I need to get the freezer ready for it.

So, without further ado, my menu for the week:

Monday: Marsala Mushroom Chicken (a la D²), farfalle pasta, and roasted green beans

Tuesday: Chorizo & Black Bean Quesadillas with yellow rice

Wednesday: Chicken & Feta Burgers with Sweet Potato Fries with Lemon Garlic Aioli

Thursday: Bella's Chopped Salad- Tara Style

Friday: Dinner Out

That's my plan for dinner.  I'm going to try my hand at smoothie making for breakfasts and will eat leftovers for lunch. My mouth splint really makes snacking a chore, so I'm hoping that my laziness combined with healthier meals will lead to a healthier lifestyle in general, but also requires me to really pack in some nuitrition into the meals that make me actually pop my splint out and chew.

Fun with Dental Appliances!

After more than 2 months of dealing with constant breathtaking jaw pain, I finally picked up the appliance I was told would improve my situation on Friday.

This splint is acrylic and covers my bottom teeth (it's upside down in the above photo).  All of the teeth are covered except the front 4, but those have the metal bar behind them.  I noticed a difference immediately (even if it's just psychological), but I do have a little bit of a lisp going on now. I'm told it's either A. Barely Noticeable or B. Cute.  I'm not sure I believe either of those, but if this thing made me sound like a pirate I would wear it happily, as I am in so much less pain already I will pay whatever price necessary.

My treatment plan is to wear this thing 24/7 for the next 6 weeks, taking it out only to eat. I go back every couple weeks to be sure it's adjusted correctly and all that.  Then I'll wear it at night for a while, then only as needed. With any luck at all, by Christmas I will be pain free, and I can't think of a better gift than that.

Daily Trauma

Margaret had to have two of her bottom front teeth removed today during a routine teeth cleaning and it had me so upset I had chest pains.

So, now we are both restricted to soft foods and her whole face smells like beef stew/wet dog food. Mine, if you are wondering, does not.

And if you are wondering where her top teeth are in that picture, my dog has a really pronounced under bite so you just can't see them when her mouth is closed and I'm prying her lips open to take a picture of the gaping hole in the front of her gums while she's asleep thanks to the after effects of anesthesia. For example.

Family

I have been thinking a lot about my family lately, and my feelings about them.  I like my family. Truly. I think everyone on some level loves the people they are related to, but I genuinely like mine.

When I think about "my family" I think about my parents (married to each other for 37 years), my brothers (Jason & Tommy), and my paternal grandparents. My paternal grandmother's extended family is in there, too, but when I think of my family as a whole, that's who I generally think of. Oh- and my sisters-in-law, too, of course.  They are new additions, but important ones nonetheless.

The thing is, there are more people who share DNA with me that are ostensibly my family. And I want to love them, or even like them, but wonder if we really share the same values and other commanalities that make it possible to really have a relationship with someone. My mom and dad instilled in my brothers and me how important we were to each other.  No matter what else happens, we are always brothers & sister and nothing can change that. We may not always like each other, but we always have that bond. And while we can talk major smack about each other, it isn't pretty when we hear someone else chime in.

My relationship with my younger brother is closer than that with my older brother, but I wouldn't say I love him more.  I am just closer to him, have more in common, and live much closer by. But they are both my brothers, and no matter what happens in the decades to come, we will always have that to come back to.

How awful it must be to not have that relationship to come back to.  I'm not talking about only children- both of my sisters-in-law are onlies and they seem perfectly fine with it. I'm also not talking about people who suffered real abuse at the hands of a sibling. But, how lonely and miserable those people must be who can't put petty little things aside and remember that the relationship you have with your siblings is completely unique and irreplaceable.

I am so happy that I am not one of those people, nor do I count any of them in my family.

Menu Monday: Week of September 28, 2009

So, I have been eating soft crap for the last 59ish days, so weekly menus haven't really been happening.  It's been more like, "What can I eat that won't make me cry?"  The answer is usually something along the lines of "something extraordinarily bad for you, of course!"  I can't imagine why, in addition to being in pain, I've not felt my best.  I'm sure it isn't scurvy or anything...

Menu Mondays are a regular feature at one of my favorite websites, "Home-Ec101", and I thought I would try to get back on the meal planning bandwagon. Without further ado...

Monday: Blueberry Pancakes & Sausage Links (because I really want some pancakes) ETA: Frozen Blueberry Eggo Pancakes & Jimmy Dean Sausage... yum! Tasty & "on menu".

Tuesday: Ravioli Pasta Bake 9/29 ETA- Tri Color Four Cheese Ravililoi from Bertolli- AWESOME

Wednesday: Cappellini Shrimp with Tomato Cream Sauce (via Dinner Done)

Thursday: Bean & Cheese Quesadillas ETA- Switched Wed & Thurs due to scheduling

Friday: Dinner out with Houseguests

I don't know how easily I will stick to this plan, but having one is better than not, I suppose, so that's a start.

It has to respect kids.

I'm a children's librarian for a lot of reasons.  But, two of them are that I love children and I love children's books.  There are a million other reasons though, most of them wonderful.

When I heard that Spike Jonze was making a movie of "Where the Wild Things Are" I was furious.  How dare he ruin my most cherished picture book?  Who gave him that right?  Well, as it turns out, Maurice Sendak did, and if Mr. Sendak is on board with the adaptation, I am as well. I was at the movie theater a few weeks ago and saw a brief featurette with both Spike Jonze and Maurice Sendak discussing the movie, and Spike said something that really hit home with me.  He said that Mr. Sendak told him the movie "had to respect kids and not talk down to them."

Respecting kids is HUGE with me.  So much of what I see as a public school teacher, so many of the problems I see, stem directly from parents and other adults not showing children the respect they deserve. And I'm not talking about letting the kids run the show, or the family, or make the big decisions they have no business taking on.  I'm talking about respecting that they are children and they are growing and learning and need you to be there to support and guide them. Carrying a 4th grader's backpack that he is perfectly capable of shouldering?  It's disrespectful to both of you. Not having actual conversations with your child so they know how to have a conversation and know things to talk about? Well, that goes past disrespect and starts to border on abuse (in my opinion).

When I talk to a child, I look him or her in the eye.  I do not engage them in conversation differently than I would any other adult, colleague, boss, or even the President of the United States of America. If someone is worth talking to, they are worth speaking to with respect and kindness. I ask my students' opinions.  "Why did you choose that book?" "What kind of book do you think this will be?" "What makes Junie B. Jones so funny?" (Seriously, I want to know- I can't decide personally if I want her to be spanked, medicated, or both.)

I think that treating these children with respect- modeling that behavior and showing them that I believe they are worthy of that respect- is the reason I have very few discipline problems.  Of course, it's pretty hard to misbehave in the library, but I'm sure it can be done. One or two do something here or there that make me have to raise my voice a little and ask, "Seriously?  Is that what you are doing?" But on the whole, we treat each other as respectfully as possible and get through the day together.

So, knowing that the "Where the Wild Things Are" movie was made with this idea of respecting children in mind, that takes it to a whole different level with me. That also raises my expectation of what the movie will be, and how it will speak to the children.  Not just the young people, but the child in me that gets to spend every day in a room filled with books, thinking she has just died and gone to heaven.

Health Care Wednesday

Today was a big day for The Hanks Girls. I went to the oral surgeon's office to have the impressions made for my TMJ splint and Margaret went to the veterinarian's office for some inoculations and a comprehensive exam.

I took off work early to get us both to our appointments. I dropped the puppy off since she needed to have blood work and whatnot done, then I got myself ready and over to my appointment a little while later. Scheduling!

This summer I had impressions made of my teeth a couple times in the process of having crowns made.  The substance they used was so vile, I truly thought I was going to vomit from having it in my mouth, which would have been tragic since my mouth was basically glued shut with disgusting blue rubber. I prepared myself for a repeat of that experience, and was pleasantly surprised when the material they used was pink, minty, and while not exactly delightful, was certainly not disgusting. The whole experience took less than 20 minutes and the only painful part was the price tag. My appliance should be ready next Wednesday, then, let the healing begin!

Then there was Margaret's appointment. I was worried sick (literally) about her all day, because last night I decided that she probably had heart worms because I was not good about making sure she takes her preventative completely every month. My dog was going to die a painful, awful death because I didn't love her enough.  My dog who has no symptoms of heart worms, spends very little time outside, has had no change in appetite or energy level, and has in fact gained 1 pound in the last year, was definitely dying.

Apparently, making peace in many other areas in my life has left me open to inventing horrible things to be upset about in the parts of my life that generally cause me little stress. Because I'm crazy. Imagine if I wasn't medicated- I dare you.

I arrived early to pick her up and she wasn't ready yet.  Because they were having a team meeting to decide how to tell me that she was dying and it was my fault (I imagined). It turns out that they were just trimming her nails like I asked them to do, and that she was fine (of course) and that she had no worms or parasites of any type anywhere in her system. Because I take better care of the dog than I take of myself. Then, the vet clued me in on a new heart worm preventative that can be applied topically to the back of the neck, just like the flea control stuff, so fighting the the dog to take the damn pill will no longer be an issue. In the long run, it was probably a good thing that I mentioned being concerned about the heart worm thing otherwise I wouldn't have learned of this new product. So, at least a little good came out of this.

I guess the lesson here is the same lesson my mother has been trying to get through my head for the last 31 years.  Don't borrow trouble. Don't make up problems to get upset about, then have a panic attack at the vet's office over something you made up. For the love of God, just calm down!